I have had two incidents within 2 days when other people have subtly noted my ability to be ‘over excited’. What is the definition of over excited. When does the ‘over’ appear? Is it that you look silly? Forget where you are, and who you are? Cross some social boundary of behaviour? Mr. P. kicks me under the table as I talk to new people we meet by accident in a cafe and a creative partner slightly bursts my bubble of joy by suggesting all I might just be looking for is a sounding board for my inane chatter ( they did not say that, I sort of filled in the gaps). Yes when I am excited I tend to chatter a bit ( or maybe a lot), but I usually know when to stop, particularly as I have a parent who finds it really boring if I talk about myself for more than a few seconds. I have spent most of my life with people either liking my, for a positive spin ‘unbounded energy’ and others who just find me irritatingly, over the top and attention seeking. I am not sure if I would classify what I am as ‘over’ excited and it is definitely not attention seeking (or is it?…I hear the twilight zone theme playing in the background). Getting and seeking are not the same thing. If I decide to dance in the street because I feel like it and people choose to stare instead of join in….Again, some people think that the reason I stand in front of a choir waving my arms around ( with my back to the audience) is a great way of getting attention…mmm.
I can be excitable, express my joyousness and pain and I often show it. The problem with showing it, being open, throwing yourself full headlights into life is that people have an opportunity to make a judgement. But you can sit quietly in a corner and be judged for being too quiet! Judging is just something that happens. No-one is forced to read my ramblings..and if anyone fancies judging me, that absolutely fine, as I will probably judge them for judging me – “You are soooooo judgemental!” ha ha ha.
I am aware that you can spend your whole life adapting the way you behave to please others and then never really shine your own true light. I am reminded of a quote that is incorrectly sourced as Nelson Mandela’s inaugural speech but is actually by Marianne Williamson “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. RIGHT ON!!!!!!
There now…. enough for today. Today I made the mistake of moving something in the kitchen and then proceeded to spend 3 hours cleaning it and moving things around…again, and now my office looks like the remnants of a stationary car boot sale and there is so much work to be done so I had better get on to it. Ah life!
SONG OF THE DAY – Every Kinda People -Robert Palmer
The late great departed Robert Palmer, written by Andy Fraser who also wrote ‘All Right Now” performed by Free, as well as loads of other things……