Just managed to put finger to keypad as the last 2 months have been really grim. My mum died suddenly and I was so not ready. It has been full time grieving here in between arranging a DIY funeral ( more about that later, contact me if you want more info), a full on village hall celebration that I arranged almost single handedly, driving over 2000 miles ( not me as I don’t drive..thank you Andy..and I am worst passenger ever having spent most of my life travelling on London Buses at 8 miles an hour) . It was just as mum would have liked it – her folk choir sung, the dementia choir she helped with sung, me and my siblings sung, but she was not there and I have been utterly devastated and continue to be. I am staring loss in the eye and not shying away from the feelings, as I know that feeling them ( and not caring that perhaps I should be smiling by now and everyone is bored of my grief) is really important for me. If you are about to have your first Christmas without someone you loved deeply I think it is important to acknowledge the loss properly. I can’t be doing with people saying ‘they would not have wanted you to be upset’. I feel losing my mum has, as the next in line to meet my maker, I have permission to do and feel what I want. And I will if I can.
Reading a great book about being an Adult Orphan by Alexander Levy and do really encourage you all to be ready for the eventuality when a second parent dies that it might completely take you but surprise. Also having that feeling that your parent is strong and sturdy and will live for ever, then they just leave.
But more to the point after 2 months of solid crying and depression and all last night managed to finish a video that I filmed before mum died and am putting it out and hope you will get a chance to watch it and share it and have a look at some more cheerful videos on my 3 Bucket Jones youtube channel and even ……SUBSCRIBE
Here is is…it feels apt for the current climate and the feeling of being surrounded by crazy narcissists . Also posting the one before which still make me shed a little tear which I videoed at the same time with the wonderful Siggy. And just to say no mascara in fact no make up of any kind was harmed during either of these videos..one day I might fancy a bit of slap on…my choice really. take care all x