He went to the shops for a bottle of stout and never returned…

Even though Mr P. has only been gone for 15 minutes…I am already writing the story of what might happen if he never came back from a shop that is one minute away from the house, with the bottle of stout for the beef and shitake stew. I have been a complete rat bag the last day, well may be month , or perhaps several years and if I was him, I might myself feel the need to go to  the shops and then just not come back…he didn’t take his wallet….just a bit of loose change so he won’t get far, unless he has met someone at the shop and decided to run away to the circus with them. There is a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea going cold on the table and I continue to imagine a load of imaginary scenarios about the demise of Mr P. between here and the shop, when his most likely gassing with someone he has met, one of his gardening friend/clients and will be ‘talking turf’ or the benefits of plastic grass , clutching the bottle of stout, so who ever it is will be thinking it might be ‘a bit early for a drink’, even though Mr P. does not actually drink alcohol.

So now Mr P has been gone for 20 minutes and I am getting a bit narked as my ‘glutton free( ha ha ) bread’ ( the devil’s work) bacon sandwich is  also getting cold. I ate half of it, but felt it only polite to leave the other half, but now I am getting hungry and my tea is going cold, and think, well it would be rude to eat the other half as he is doing me a favour going to the shops to buy me a bottle of stout for the stew….

Oh sod it …I am going to eat the other half as he has definately run off with Kristina from Oxtail Gardens – I always knew when she phoned up for advice about her borders there was a tone in her voice that whiffed of trouble…I am going to stand on the box near the front window and see if I can see him walking down the road…no sign, and no buses with bodies under them, no sirens. As he does not drink , he won’t have gone in the pub for a swift one.

Well that’s it..The bacon sandwich is eaten, I have corrected all my spelling mistakes. Added photos, and am now assuming that he has run off with Kristina and am planning my new life without him…First things first, I am gonna get a skip and  throw out his thousand of vintage second hand gardening books and set them alight. Then there will be a bit more room so I can think about saving my shoes from the charity shop run as there is no space, and be able to get out of bed without falling over a set of books, rubbish etc.

Oh oh! there’s the front door…he’s back.