Even though Mr P. has only been gone for 15 minutes…I am already writing the story of what might happen if he never came back from a shop that is one minute away from the house, with the bottle of stout for the beef and shitake stew. I have been a complete rat bag the last day, well may be month , or perhaps several years and if I was him, I might myself feel the need to go to  the shops and then just not come back…he didn’t take his wallet….just a bit of loose change so he won’t get far, unless he has met someone at the shop and decided to run away to the circus with them. There is a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea going cold on the table and I continue to imagine a load of imaginary scenarios about the demise of Mr P. between here and the shop, when his most likely gassing with someone he has met, one of his gardening friend/clients and will be ‘talking turf’ or the benefits of plastic grass , clutching the bottle of stout, so who ever it is will be thinking it might be ‘a bit early for a drink’, even though Mr P. does not actually drink alcohol.

So now Mr P has been gone for 20 minutes and I am getting a bit narked as my ‘glutton free( ha ha ) bread’ ( the devil’s work) bacon sandwich is  also getting cold. I ate half of it, but felt it only polite to leave the other half, but now I am getting hungry and my tea is going cold, and think, well it would be rude to eat the other half as he is doing me a favour going to the shops to buy me a bottle of stout for the stew….

Oh sod it …I am going to eat the other half as he has definately run off with Kristina from Oxtail Gardens – I always knew when she phoned up for advice about her borders there was a tone in her voice that whiffed of trouble…I am going to stand on the box near the front window and see if I can see him walking down the road…no sign, and no buses with bodies under them, no sirens. As he does not drink , he won’t have gone in the pub for a swift one.

Well that’s it..The bacon sandwich is eaten, I have corrected all my spelling mistakes. Added photos, and am now assuming that he has run off with Kristina and am planning my new life without him…First things first, I am gonna get a skip and  throw out his thousand of vintage second hand gardening books and set them alight. Then there will be a bit more room so I can think about saving my shoes from the charity shop run as there is no space, and be able to get out of bed without falling over a set of books, rubbish etc.

Oh oh! there’s the front door…he’s back.